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Magic
Topic Started: Wednesday, 3. November 2010, 03:21 (918 Views)
Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
It's not a problem. I'm a little behind on my nano anyway and all this reviewing is spreading me thin!
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Harket
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asian
Prometheus
Thursday, 11. November 2010, 19:46
It's not a problem. I'm a little behind on my nano anyway and all this reviewing is spreading me thin!
16,555 words is "behind"? O_O
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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Yes. Today I was supposed to have 18,337. And now I do :)
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Harket
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asian
Hmm. How nice. I have never written that much before :P I also owe you a cookie, gimme a second :)

In the meanwhile, Whoopy - we're waiting! :D
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Warrior Poet
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You'll have written tha tmuc if you do nano! *pokepoke*

Well, let's stop spamming this topic.
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Harket
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asian
Em... maybe next year. I was never one for writing well, or long. I can do neither, actually :)

*spamming shall now stop*
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
That's because you've never forced yourself to
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Harket
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asian
Ahem.

*spamming shall now stop*

But still, I dont think i can "force" myself to write more. I cant really do that, or more accurately, i havent tried cause i think the original idea smoothed out is enough. I dont try to add excess, because then i'll become draggy :(
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Whoopy4
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Love sick fool
Sorry for the long wait guys. my interne t buggered up and I wasn't about to type up an entire chapter on my phone. It'll be up later today
Thing a day - My blog about the trials and tribulations of writing a piece of literature every day for a year.

Days completed: 7

A more professional signature coming at a later date
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Harket
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asian
Dont worry, i wouldnt do that either! ^^
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Whoopy4
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Love sick fool
This is a little bit over due lol. Sorry about that guys. Winter break is here, so I'll try to do enough writing to catch up on what I missed. My main issue besides time constraints was finding a good way to write this chapter. I don't think it's as good as it could have been, but I must forge on instead of worrying about the little details so I expect it will go through plenty of changes when it comes time to revise this story.


Anyways....



Chapter 4:

The blade never reached Turas’ neck. Instead, Turas watched as flames burst into existence in the tent, first burning the guards. The guard above Turas dropped his sword, landing harmlessly beside Turas with a soft clank. The tent quickly burst into flames as well. The guards quickly panicked, looking for a way to get to safety. They could find none as they slowly burnt to their deaths.

Turas watched in horror for a moment before a woman’s scream broke his attention away. Shera was ignoring the flames, trying to pull Jint’s body away. Quickly, Turas searched for Novu. He wasn’t hard to find. The young boy was just standing still with a look of frightened awe. Turas grabbed his hand and pulled him away, and out of the tent.

Turas looked behind him. There was a crowd quickly forming around the burning tent which was crumbling to pieces. Turas pulled on Novu’s arm. “Come on, we have to leave, now.” Novu Stumbled after him.

Slaves and guards alike were rushing towards the commotion. The column of smoke was visible from the entire encampment, even in the dark. Turas and Novu made sure to keep off of the main pathways, reaching the edge of the camp without too much trouble. The guards had followed the crowd to keep order. Still cautious however, Turas stayed low and checked the guard’s post before waving Novu over.

“Somebody probably saw us. What are we going to do, Turas?” Novu looked around frightened. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean it.” There was a tear welling up at the corner of his eye.

Turas knew that the young boy needed him. He looked at the mountains to the west. “We’re going away.”

Novu wiped his eye and looked in the same direction. “But- but we don’t know what’s out there.” He looked back at the village. The smoke column had died down.

Turas placed a hand on Novu’s shoulder. “Whatever is out there is going to be a lot better than what we have here, I promise. Now let’s go.” He grabbed Novu’s arms and they began to run for the bas of the mountains. They kept low until the crossed the first hill. Their malnourished bodies pushed for the safety of the mountains.

The moment they set foot on the rocky ground that made up the mountain range, they stumbled to a stop, nearly falling over into a sitting position. Both of them gasped for air. They had never realized how far the mountains were from the village. With barely any food or water in their stomachs, their bodies did not want to keep pushing.

“Someone is going to find out, Turas. I just know it. They’re going to know what I did.” Novu opened his mouth to keep speaking but instead gasped for more air. “They’re going to know.”

“Come on. We need to go in further so they won’t see us.” Turas clumsily stood up. He took one look back at the village of slaves and slavers, while Novu forced himself to stand. The two of them stumbled across the rocks, crossing any grass patches that appeared for the sake of their feet. They found themselves standing on the ridge of a steep incline.

“We’ll camp down there for the rest of the night.” Without hesitation, Turas lowered himself down, holding on to loose rocks. Novu waited for a moment, watching where Turas put his feet and hands. With a deep breath, he began to follow.

Turas hopped off of the incline and looked up at Novu, who was slowly making progress downwards. “Just a little bit further and then you can rest.” He could hear the young boy whimpering with each strained step.

Rocks began to give away underneath Novu’s feet. He scrambled to get a better foothold, but only pushed more rocks away. His arms couldn’t hold his body and he fell. Turas could only watch in fright as his young companion fell to the hard rock below.

Only, when he was supposed to land, there was no thud. Turas was hit with a burst of air. When he looked at where Novu was supposed to land, there was only empty space. About three feet above that spot however, a confused Novu lay suspended on nothing but air. Turas took a step towards the boy. When Novu realized what was happening, he fell the rest of the way with a soft thud.

Novu remained lying on the ground, staring into the air, mumbling. “I didn’t mean it... I don’t know how... It’s all my fault... I didn’t mean to...”

Turas didn’t know what he had just seen, and he didn’t know what to do about it. “Novu, what did you do?”
Edited by Whoopy4, Friday, 24. December 2010, 04:44.
Thing a day - My blog about the trials and tribulations of writing a piece of literature every day for a year.

Days completed: 7

A more professional signature coming at a later date
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Harket
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asian
Spanancy! More when i come back. Ill edit this post, so KEEP AN EYE ON IT! :D

There. Not bad a story, eh? So teh boy has MAGIK! :o Explains the title, thats for sure. Moar please. :)
Edited by Harket, Friday, 24. December 2010, 06:10.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Cool. Hey, as long as you're writing!

Flames burst into...existence? I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but couldn't the tent burst into flames? Wait...flames came from...where? And then lit the tent. Sorry, it's all just very confusing to me there.

You wrote novo instead of novu. W'ever :P

So I'm not really quite sure what happened, but this was an alright chapter. And then the whiteness...anyway, a little more description would be nice, because I'm basically lost.
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Whoopy4
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Love sick fool
yeah, this was mainly a chapter to get me back into a writing routine. the next chapter basically outright explains some of the things you mentioned though, so, I'll hold off on explaining quite yet. And on my way to fix the name mishap.
Chapter 5:


Turas leaned his back against a stone as he sat on the ground. Novu was sleeping only a couple feet away, his chest rhythmically heaving up and down. With a sigh, Turas lightly tossed a rock across the ground. He looked around him. It was all just rock. Rock below him, rock in front of him, rock behind him and rock beside him. Turas cursed silently when he looked up to see rock above him as well. As a child he liked to imagine that one day they would run out of mountains to mine. Now that he was among them, he knew that this would never be true, atleast not in his life time.

Turas hung his head as his stomach growled at him. He was used to atleast getting something for working hard. Now he was running on empty.

Unexpectedly, an apple rolled up beside him. Lacking enough energy to run in fright, Turas just stared at it. “Where did you come from?” Hesitantly, he grabbed the shiny red fruit and looked around. No one could be seen besides the sleeping pile that was Novu.

Hunger consuming his mind, Turas took a bite. The sweet juices pouring into his mouth were almost enough to make him cry.

“That boy with you is special.” Turas stopped short of diving into another bite and looked to his right. Sitting on a boulder was a fully cloaked figure. His clothes were black making him hard to notice in the night.

The opposite direction was the steep incline. Turas had nowhere to run, so he just sat there, staring at this man. “What do you mean?”

The figure hunched forward, propping its arms against its knees. “He can do what no other human can. That boy can use magic.”

“Impossible. Humans can’t use magic.” Turas frowned at the man. Turas hadn’t even noticed anyone following them. Was the only reason he followed because of Novu? “They never have, and they never will.”

He heard the man chuckle. “Listen, boy, the world is a lot stranger than you know.” In a fluid motion, the man slid off the boulder to stand on the same surface as Turas was sitting on. He didn’t make a sound. “Tell me, what do you know about the world outside of your little camp of slaves.” Turas looked down at the ground without a sound. “I thought so. Do you even know the name of the nation that you work for?” The same response followed. “Exactly.” The man crouched down to eye level with Turas. He placed a gloved hand under Turas’ chin and tilted it towards him. Turas stared into the green eyes. “I don’t think you’re qualified to tell me what is possible and impossible.”

The man let Turas’ chin go but his head didn’t move. “Fine. Tell me how a teenage boy has powers that no one else has?”

Standing up, the man looked at Novu. “Let me correct you on that statement. The boy is not the only one to have these powers. Simply, he is the only human to have these powers.” Turas looked at the man strangely. “Ah yes, you have probably never left the safety of Craline, have you?” Turas shook his head. “Well, there are other, non-human nations in the world. Most of which can use magic, to varying degrees. Humans have never had this ability and are viewed as inferior to the magical races. Some soft hearted men and women however, felt it necessary to protect us. Thusly, they created Craline. A land surrounded by a magical barrier that only non-magical creatures may cross.”

“But if humans live in Croline-“

“Craline”

“Whatever. How do you know so much about what’s outside Craline?”

The man tilted his head, examining Turas. “I do not require protection from anything. I live a free life.”

“Alright, well what do you know about magic?”

“Not much more than you, I’m afraid.” He began grabbing something from a pouch. “All I know is probably the most important item to remember.” Another apple appeared in his hand. “Magic costs life. Make sure the boy is careful, or his blood will soon be spent.” He tossed the apple to Turas. “That’s for when he wakes up.” The cloaked figure then turned to leave. “You two should head west. You’ll die if you stay here.”

Turas called after him. “You’re not staying? Are you coming back? What’s your name?”

“You’ll see me again.” He then disappeared into the darkness.

Novu shifted after Turas was done calling out, turning to Turas. “What happened?”

Turas stared into the darkness for a moment and then turned to the boy looked pretty drowsy still. “Nothing.”

“Hey, is that an apple?”

Turas smiled and tossed the fruit to his friend. “It’s yours.” Novu smiled, not questioning how he got it. Turas could hear Novu sink his teeth into the delicious fruit. Looking at the apple he had taken a bite into earlier, Turas continued to finish his rare meal.
Edited by Whoopy4, Friday, 24. December 2010, 21:06.
Thing a day - My blog about the trials and tribulations of writing a piece of literature every day for a year.

Days completed: 7

A more professional signature coming at a later date
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Hmm, looks interesting. Again, adverb-verb type agreement thing. Chest heaving happens after you're in a barfight or when you're giving birth, not when you're sleeping. *shrug* Don't try too hard for those big words. A lot of words (like the article the are perfect precisely because they're so common. No one even notices them.

Around him/around. Stuff like that. You could probably fix most of these little things just reading it over once or twice. It's worth the work, usually.

Mmh, who wants to be a miner? They must be pretty desperate.

"Unexpectedly" kind of makes the reader go "Oh." If you say something the reader isn't expecting, the "unexpected" tag doesn't really need to be there. I know this is another little thing, but it really helps the reader get into the story more when there are no little things, or very few. And if they're into it, it's automatically better.

Kay, so mention that it's nighttime before you compare something to the night. Again, just something you can fix with a read-through.

Turas's personality kind of evaporated when he said "impossible." Just imagine you're sitting there on that dirty rock with him there. I do stuff like this too, and i do it just as often as you do. I just go over it once is all.

Nice with the cloaked guy telling Turas that he knows absolutely nothing. I like it. You ever hear that saying "Truth is stranger than fiction?"

So magic taking spiritual force is nothing new, but I like how you said "his blood will be spent." Now that could be really interesting if it was literal. In Atavism, the pixies have a natural sort of spiritual magic since they are spiritual beings while the black fey have to make covenants with other forces to gain their powers. That's one reason they're after the pixies and their magic dust. But in the real world, and from what I can see in here, magic can only come from a human being making a covenant with a demon.

It's scary stuff. I'm starting to imagine a world - though it's probably wrong - where magic is feared and hated. Which it was, really, back in the day.

it was all going pretty well. "Continued to finish" is kind of impossible. He either finished or he didn't, so continued to eat or just finished is better. I guess I shouldn't be so nitpicky. Just go through it once or twice and you'll be alright :)

BTW how's your poetry going?
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